I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
