What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
