Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
