i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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