Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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