So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
