i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
