i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
