Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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