Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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