I faked an abortion last night.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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