I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
