So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
