Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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