great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Don't EVER smell your tampon
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
