I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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