I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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