I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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