I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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