Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Randomize
