I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
