HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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