I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
foreskin is a definite game changer
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
