Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
