Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
