I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
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