i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize