it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
