I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
