Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
