If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
