Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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