On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
