Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
