Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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