Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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