Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
