You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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