But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
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