After last night, I could never be a politician.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
