I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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