i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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