I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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