No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
we're making bets on your personal life
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
