i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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