Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
