dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
