id be glad to
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize