i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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