Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
there is puke in my bra ... again
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
