Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
she was so not down for the gang bang
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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