A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
soo... how was my night?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
