I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
That accounts for only three of the penises
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
