i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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