I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
last night I used snow as a chaser
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
