i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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