is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Randomize
