We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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