you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
