You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
She's like a pop up book from hell.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
