I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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