things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
