They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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