dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
