I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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