apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
