I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
