You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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