We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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