And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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