Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
3 2 1 whiskey
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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