i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
