Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
