he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
