I wanna bring you to show and tell
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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