i permit you to call me
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
