The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
