i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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