He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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