I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
