Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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