Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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