Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i came on her dog
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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