So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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