WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
