oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
