i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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