I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
