these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize