ya dads aren't the best wingmen
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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