it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
