If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
