I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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