am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
