and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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